


I believe you. And I'm terrified.

by i_honestly_dek



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Confusion, F/M, Love, OR IS IT, POV First Person, i'm not sure, that's what it is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-03-26 15:52:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19008973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_honestly_dek/pseuds/i_honestly_dek
Summary: Jump into the middle (more like 'close to the end') of an argument between yourself and Dean. Has Dean changed, or is it more of the same? And what about you?***For some reason I've had this idea stuck in my head, where two people are having some fight and one of them cuts the other off with:"Because I believe you, and it scares the crap outta me."It's short. Maybe I can add to this in the future. But only if there's interest, and if I'm still motivated. I don't like forcing myself to write.Also, read notes at the beginning and end please lol.





	1. Reader's POV

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a year since I've written anything, and almost three (3) since I've posted. And this is my first SPN work ever. But I really wanted to try writing again and put what I have in my head into words.
> 
> I'm sorry in advance?

“Because I believe you!”

“You…you do?”

“Yes!” I realize I’m still shouting and take a deep breath. “I believe you. And to be honest, it terrifies the shit out of me.”

He’s silent, but his face reads ‘unable to follow’. I take a seat on the edge of the bed and start talking.

“Dean, I walked in on you with some girl up against the wall. And I don’t mean to be frank, but that’s one of the textbook definitions of ‘Dean Winchester’.” He tries to keep it discreet, but I see him wince at the words. “Every single person I know – hunter or not – would call me stupid if I didn’t walk away. If I didn’t walk out right that second. I saw what I saw but my entire being still wants to believe you. And I don’t know why.”

“I don’t know if it’s because there’s a magical force telling me it’s true. Because you were really feeling this girl up for information on the case. That whatever we have here,” I gesture vaguely between the two of us, “has changed you, and this was all just a part of the plan to catch this bastard.”

“But what scares me more is that it might not be. That I’m letting myself believe you because I want to believe you’ve changed. That how I feel for you is clouding my judgement and I’m going back to my same old shit and it’s just a matter of time before the walls come crashing down and I’m just hurt. Again.”

I feel the bed dip to my left, but he doesn’t touch me as he starts. “Look, I—“ 

“Dean, I can’t keep making excuses for the people I love.”

I squeeze my eyes shut as the words leave my mouth. Regardless, I can sense his head turn to look at me.

We’d never thrown that word around before. Whatever happened before this never had a name. Some flirting, some kissing… a little of this, a little of that. I figured it meant little to nothing to him, but in the moment I walked in on him with that girl from the bar, I realized it meant more than I thought to me. That’s probably what scared me the most. Hunters can never have someone. And I sure as hell couldn’t have him.

Just as Dean opens his mouth to say something, I stand up.

“I’m just gonna get another room for the night. Can you tell Sam when he comes back? I’ll join you guys in the morning and we can keep working on the case.”

He seems to have thought better than to argue and simply replies with a hesitant, “Yeah. I will.”

I grab my duffel bag and head out the door. But just before I let it close, I stick my head in. As painful as the moment is, I’d hate myself forever if I didn’t say it.

“Hey Dean?” He looks up from the same spot on the bed I left him in. “I’m sorry if… I ruined your plan to get intel. I really am.”

And with that, I let the door close and walk to the front desk.


	2. Dean's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a request from cowboysnwinchesters to do a Dean POV. I've actually never written from Dean's POV before so I hope it's not terrible...
> 
> I have an idea of how to finish the story but comment if there's anything else you'd like to see!

“Because I believe you!”

The words that were about to jump off the tip of my tongue retreat into my mouth and I stand there with what I’m sure are some very wide eyes.

“You…you do?”

“Yes!” She yells, but seems to adjust the volume in her head. “I believe you. And to be honest, it terrifies the shit out of me.”

There’s a pause. My mind is racing, trying to see what she’s getting at. I’m tempted to ask, but she moves to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Dean, I walked in on you with some girl up against the wall. And I don’t mean to be frank, but that’s one of the textbook definitions of ‘Dean Winchester’.”

I try not to show it, but, well, that hurt. 

“Every single person I know – hunter or not – would call me stupid if I didn’t walk away. If I didn’t walk out right that second. I saw what I saw but my entire being still wants to believe you. And I don’t know why.”

I shift on my feet to avoid saying what I want to, because we’re a lot alike when it comes to emotions. We’re not the best at understanding them and we’re sure as hell not good at taking the time to talk about them. So I keep my mouth shut no matter how much I want to yell ‘you believe me because it’s true’ and let her continue. 

“I don’t know if it’s because there’s a magical force telling me it’s true. Because you were really feeling this girl up for information on the case. That whatever we have here,” she gestures vaguely between the two of us, “has changed you, and this was all just a part of the plan to catch this bastard.”

I bite my tongue and glance at the ground as a wave of wanting to speak washes over me. Yes. Please. Give into that side of you because it’s the truth. 

“But what scares me more is that it might not be. That I’m letting myself believe you because I want to believe you’ve changed. That how I feel for you is clouding my judgement and I’m going back to my same old shit and it’s just a matter of time before the walls come crashing down and I’m just hurt. Again.”

I register how my hands have balled up into fists as I move to sit beside her. I don’t dare touch her, not after what she thinks I’ve done. But I remember the stories of her past and I want – no, need her to know that that’s not what happening here. I open my mouth but am abruptly cut off.

“Look, I—“ 

“Dean, I can’t keep making excuses for the people I love.”

It takes me a second to realize what she just said. Love? Love. 

I look to my side where she’s sitting and she looks so…tired. Her eyes are squeezed shut, she’s slouching, and her hair falls down and beside her face, lacking the vitality it usually exudes. And we all know who’s to blame for that.

But love?

We’d never thrown that word around before, rarely even jokingly. Some flirting, some kissing… a little of this, a little of that. God, it was never the same as some late night hookup from the bar, but we’d never talked about what it actually was. And this was one hell of a way to do it.

Love?

In this business? It’s almost equivalent to death. Hunters can never have someone. And I sure as hell couldn’t have her. 

My mouth opens again to say something or another when she stands up. 

“I’m just gonna get another room for the night. Can you tell Sam when he comes back? I’ll join you guys in the morning and we can keep working on the case.”

As she turns to face me, waiting for an answer, the tears in her eyes reflect the light from outside and my heart sinks to my stomach. I want absolutely nothing more to take her in my arms and hold her close, but…

“Yeah, I will.”

She grabs her duffle back and heads out the door. I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding, shakier than I’d like to admit. Looking down, I finally regain the control to relax my fists, but other than that, I can’t seem to move.

“Hey Dean?”

My head snaps up to see her head peeking in the room. 

“I’m sorry if… I ruined your plan to get intel. I really am.”

And before I can take a breath, the door closes.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is appreciated!! Comments are cool *wink wink*


End file.
